I just felt I needed to start writing again. Got a bit of a push from a good friend, and here I am.
I hope that writing might ease the thoughts cramped inside my head, the feelings overwhelming me all the more often. Maybe a diary is a good idea. At least doesn’t hurt to give it a try. As always, writing just to write, as if speaking to myself (but this would be tricky, right?), so let’s say I have an audience. For sanity purposes.
I have taken many decisions in the past years. First and outmost, the decision to become a mother, then a single-mother. Decided to give birth in Brazil for many many reasons, but mostly so that my child would get his Brazilan part and nationality, and be close to his father. I decided to live here. I decided to move from a posh-y tourist village to a not-so-posh-y fishermen’s’ village. I decided to buy a piece of land. I decided to lead a healthier way of life – and this is my most recent decision. Healthy in terms of physique, of lifestyle, of nutrition, and all this going hand in hand with a healthier mentality, trying to release the stress, the negative thoughts and feelings, liberate myself from all that is not good for me. One would think that my decisions so far should be targeted at my own well-being, but that is not absolutely true. My priorities were different, and as with all things, time changes us. Life teaches us.
So, here I am, a mother to a 3-year-old, healthy and vey active little boy, who can take out the energy of 3 adults in a day and still have desire for more! That alone is a good reason for me wanting to get stronger and healthier, because if I’m being honest, I let myself go a lot since he was born. Many people know me as the Crossfit-Ioanna, remember the strong woman I once was, and although it is very flattering, it is also not true anymore. I put on a lot of weight, lost all my muscles (or at least it feels like this) and am struggling through my days.
Oh I could make up so many excuses. I really could. But. I should/must/will focus on what lies ahead. It is a new start for me, which will obviously not be easy, but I need to push myself even more since there are no other people around to push me. F**k you, COVID.
…to be continued!