How about emotional balance?
I find it sometimes hard to balance between excitement and fear, the good and the bad (the ugly I don’t mind haha). Maybe writing about it will help put things in perspective.
There are so many questions crossing my mind since I decided to start this project and embark on a journey with no defined timeframe, trying to go with the flow, letting go of material things and embracing my reality, loving myself and becoming my best friend – that is my ultimate challenge.
I know that once it goes from being ‘my plan’ to being ‘my reality’ it will all feel different and there will be so many new people and experiences in my life and not too much free time to think about anything negative. Till then however, there are days I loose myself in fear and doubts and uncertainty. The hardest part is to remember the positive side of things and keep believing in myself.
What if I am too romantic and naïve to believe it will all work out well? What if this CrossFit Community is just a dream and does not exist the way I’ve been imagining it? Will I be able to cope with cultural differences? What if I run out of money? What if I get sick and no one’s there for me? This last part ‘no one’s there for me’ is my biggest struggle. It’s funny how I always bring this up when talking to my bestie in Greece. Seems like people around me have this idea of me being all independent and needing no one, when I find myself being emotionally attached to people and having a hard time to let go. This occurred to me yesterday at the box too. Out of nowhere, my coach came up to me and said “Hell, Jo, we’re gonna miss having you here!” Boom! Here’s the other side of things! Having to let go of my box, my family of the past year, my friends, my mentors, those people that helped shape me into who I am today and make me believe that I can take this next step. Cause, really, I was a completely different person before stepping foot in UnScared. This feeling of belonging is priceless for me. Now that I finally have this, I’ve decided to leave. Or is it that I was able to take this step BECAUSE now I feel I belong? Afterall, life is a balance of holding on and letting go, right?
This is when I need to find the strength to switch from being emotional to being strong and thankful and think about all the amazing things that will come my way. Seeing already how many people are interested in reading about my journey and struggles and successes… how people care and give a damn and offer to host me when I’m in their city… how many people find inspiration in reading my posts. There is awesomeness out there, plenty of it in the ever day people that surround me!
I am a very emotional person, empathy being my main ‘strength’. I laugh loud and cry hard, go crazy happy and deeply sad, all wrapped up in the same package. So, staying focused is again key. Finding balance. Staying alert to the risks and dangers and in the same time finding joy in every day, appreciating life and being thankful. Balance, Ioanna, balance!
For now I’ve decided to keep all negativity aside. Negative thoughts, negative people, negative feelings have no place here. Sometimes I guess you have to ‘impose’ the feeling of happiness on yourself to just make it happen. I am blessed with good friends that believe in me and fill my heart with love. Friends that have kept a space open in their hearts for me to be able to feel that ‘I belong’.
I’m one lucky girl!